NOTE TO MY FORTRESS

“ I bow with my knees kissing the welcome note at your door step

They think I’m crazy, but they don’t know you’re all I have.

You can try a thousand times to read me

but all you’ll learn about me is that I’m nothing but molecules and dust

I tried so hard to shield my heart from those trying to break it.

Making your heart my heart’s fortress

Hoping every man I find would lift some weight off my soul.

I’m 18 dressed in the ways of a woman of 31

I’m not a living sculpture of Michelangelo’s work

Yes I’ve got beauty, yes I’ve got curves

Maybe that’s something that got into my head just a little

You tell me I’ve got mental retardation when I go any length;

but like the analysis of variance; you know me within and between

You know I can’t stop myself from falling.

You know I’ve shared moments with pain as an acquaintance.

You know every cell and vein in me will fight for it’s perseverance.

We see life like a controversy of who could remain the purest,

I signed up for the contest but choose to be the messiest.

If I wake up to a note at my bedside tomorrow with the most commonly used word in my vocabulary,

You can guess what it is; ‘I’m sorry’

I’ve learnt that Fidelity is not of the flesh, but of the heart, mind, and soul.

I’ve been hurt, I mean really hurt, but I can’t help but make excuses for those who treat me with abhorent distastes.

I’m sorry; once again I apologize

Believing it was my actions and words that provoked such anger and response;

I beg for forgiveness

For as summer dances from flower to flower

My lips would be locked with the sound of my heart begging for forgiveness;

Despite the interlocking holes of anxiety and excitement in my stomach. ”

Artwork: IG- risfloat

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DEFINE POETRY

Define poetry; he said…

“Without me words would have no meaning.

You’ll be deep beneath your thoughts thinking.

I’ll tell you black is a skin tone

I give you comfort, but pull you out of your comfort zone

I can be deeply penetrated into your soul.

I’ll make you die while Breathing.

I’ll make you fall in love with someone not existing.

I’m defined by the things I’m not

I am me! I am Poetry!”

blight of time

Stranger turned into friend
And friend into lover.
They wished what they had never ends,

because the bond grew stronger and stronger.

As the clock on the wall ticks,
Pride starring from the corner also winks.

Levity gained strength as communication didn’t flow
So as the relationship couldn’t grow

Lover, friend, stranger
Why couldn’t we take our love farther?
Our lost love enervate our souls
And Dear Love, so as it goes.

©Bernard

Too relieved to grieve 

The long awaited day has come.

Fifteen years feels like yesterday, when I could make use of my eyesight, sit at the balcony and shed unseen tears.

With your countless rigorous beatings, you left me visually impaired.

In my darkness, I can see the anger on your face, each time I Call you pumpkin, 

I see the  dimple underneath your chin 

I see the scars and bruises you gave me 

creating crisscross patterns on my skin,

but the day I waited fifteen years back came today with just a sorry from you. 

I’m already too relieved to grieve. 

A.O.Benedicta


The Monster In Me 

Hair packed up in a bun; red lipstick on my lips
Looking like a vindicated young schoolgirl,
Left with the option to outstrip.
He despoiled me without fear.

Smile, popping dimples; happiness moulded on my face,
I had to swing my hips and dance to the beat,
Sipping my wine, waiting for the next phase. 
How could he not recognize the one he left incomplete? 

Slipped my mask down to the tip of my nose
Acted as a bunny girl; I took him upstairs 
broke my glass while he was taking off his clothes 
Took a piece and stabbed him on the chest.

The cops got to me, and took me away
The monster in me will grow to avenge again! 
      
                  A. O. BENEDICTA 

THE CHANCE

           Life may hit us so hard with all the forces of the world, and put us in a state where we wonder if we are to live life, enjoy life or give up on life? Iconic trio; live, enjoy and give up. It’s just like we being offered three different dishes, and the decision is ours to make. 

            Sometimes we allow opportunities slide through our fingers. Then we pray for another chance,  after that; one more chance,  then ‘last chance ‘. You can’t always see the entire staircase from the first landing, you need to take more steps,  keep going, keep pushing, at the end,  you’ll find yourself at the top and you just might be the only one there. Pretty good right? Okay! 

         People will say things to bring down your spirit with poignant and witty comments.  

If something excites you and scares you at the same time it might be a good thing to try. Always trust your instincts, they are messages from your soul. There will always be someone who can’t see your worth, don’t let it be you. 

           Life can get easy only if you want it to be. So when you get that chance, make good use of it. Take that bold step. A girl who has given up on her education, you have a chance to make things right and move forward. When you get a chance to open up and pour out your feelings never hesitate. Even when you get the chance to talk to the lady or that man you’ve always wanted to talk to,  ask him ‘what’s his favorite brand of wine?’,  ‘what’s her favorite colour?’ ‘how’s his business statistics like?’, ‘or where is her favorite relaxation spot?’, because that might be the only chance you can get to know things about someone special, or try new things, but if that chance doesn’t come,  you can go ahead and create a chance.. Just never hesitate! 

A. O. Benedicta